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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {